I never wanted to go to college. At least not right away. I didn’t know much when I was 18, but I knew that I was in no position to be choosing a career path. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life, so clearly the best course of action would be to travel around the country until I figured out what I was passionate about.
By the time senior year of high school started, my friends were all talking about college. Kids were looking into degree programs, writing essays for scholarships, and sending in applications for early admission. And I was painting fish on the side of my car. I had just bought a 1987 Dodge Colt from my neighbor. My first car, paid for with babysitting and barista earnings. It was a tiny, ugly car that needed something extra to bring it to life, and I decided that something extra was a hand painted underwater scene. I enlisted a couple friends and before I knew it, the fish car was born. That car was going to take me around the country, from town to town and state to state, while I worked odd jobs and met people who would help me figure out what I was supposed to do with my life. Or so I thought.
I told my mom of my post-graduation plans and she never really said much. I took that to mean that she was ok with my plans, but apparently it really meant “You never stick to anything for more than a few weeks, so I’m just going to ride this one out”. By the time the second half of my senior year was starting, teachers were inquiring about colleges that I had (or hadn’t) applied to, and my mom was hearing from other mothers about their kids being accepted to schools of their choice. People started to wonder what I was really going to be doing after high school and I couldn’t escape the backlash for long. Apparently everyone thought that my fabulous idea of discovering myself was just a big joke.
Nope, I actually haven’t applied anywhere. No, I haven’t written any scholarship essays. Sure, I think my car will make it across the country. Why wouldn’t it, it has fish on the side! I don’t understand, what does being the valedictorian have to do with going to college right away? Why are all of you giving me those mean, judgmental, concerned stares?!?! I’m fine, really! This is going to be great and I am totally confident in my decision!
And so it started. Countless nights of me waging dramatic arguments and my mom not understanding why I couldn’t just go to college like everyone else. Turns out she talked to some of my teachers about my situation and they decided that they knew the perfect place for me. This tiny little school in the southern tier of NY that I had never heard of called Alfred University. My former ceramic art teacher was married to a math teacher at my high school, and they said this small school had an exceptional art program AND an exceptional engineering program, a truly unique combination. It was the best of both worlds- I loved art but was good at science, and I was bound to find something that I liked there.
My mom called to set up a meeting at the university since I had already missed all of their open houses and orientation weekends. I humored her and went. The school seemed nice enough and all the people that we met there were wonderfully kind, helpful, and interesting. I asked about the art program, but I had already missed the portfolio deadline to get into the art school. I could still get into the liberal arts program or the engineering program, but those didn’t interest me so I assumed all this just wasn’t going to work out.
I thought that my openmindedness about visiting Alfred would be reciprocated by my mom’s openmindedness to letting her 18 year old daughter drive around the country all by herself in a car that was ready to kick the bucket (but it has fish on the side!) with no real plan, but I was wrong. The questions about college didn’t stop when we got home. I put in my application to Alfred to assuage the pressure, but still had no intention of actually going. The tension only grew stronger when I received my acceptance letter and an offer for a scholarship. I refused to send back my agreement to attend, and kept thinking that it would all go away if I ignored it long enough.
The deadline was fast approaching but I was too focused on my upcoming advanced language trip to Spain to worry about it too much. My first time overseas! I had my passport in hand and bags packed. I was ready. But as I was getting the final things together before leaving for the airport, my mom hit me with a curveball. I couldn’t leave for my trip until I decided what to do about college. Holy crap. There was a plane at the airport 15 minutes away from my house that was going to take me to Spain, but I couldn’t board it until I told her my decision. I told her I didn’t want to go to college and I was going to drive around the country. She told me that was unreasonable and I had to give her another answer. I told her I didn’t have another answer. She said I had to have one before I could leave. I didn’t have to go to college, but I had to have a plan…and it had to be “reasonable”. I was panicked, anxious, and devastated. I stood there and cried, not knowing what to say. I don’t remember how long it took or how many back and forths there were, but I know it ended with me hysterically yelling at her “Fine, I’ll go to Alfred! Send in the form! Let me go to Spain!”
I don’t know what would have happened if I had forgone college and taken my solo drive around the country. I don’t know if I would have figured out what I wanted or if I would have returned even more confused. I don’t know if I even would have returned. What I do know is that my car blew a rod through the engine during my third month at college, and that I absolutely loved Alfred. I would never take back a second of my time there. Alfred was the perfect university for me, exactly what my irresolute self needed. The setting was breathtaking, the town was charming, the classes were thought provoking, and the people were amazing. Alfred is full of the kind of people that make you want to be more creative, continuously learn new things and try everything you can get your hands on, and just be the best person you can possibly be. Alfred was a huge part in making me who I am today, and the friends I made there are irreplaceable.
Going to Alfred was serendipitously the right decision for me and I am forever grateful to my mother for knowing when to put her foot down. Looking back, I have no idea what I would have done if I was in her position. Trying to find the balance between protecting your child and guiding them in the right direction while also providing them the freedom to make their own decisions (and mistakes) seems like an impossible undertaking. I don’t even have children yet, but the prospect of having an 18 year old with this romantic idea of discovering herself is heartwarmingly wonderful and yet immensely terrifying. And I can guarantee if I am fortunate enough to ever have a child, karma will make sure this happens. I only hope that I can keep a level head and point him/her in the right direction, even if only half as well as my mom always did.
Merrie Melodie 