Is a “Sometimes” Runner a “Real” Runner? One ultramarathoner’s struggle with an imposter complex.

I always feel like I’m faking it.  I have lived my entire life behind the mask of an imposter complex.  I do my best to play the role, but I’m really not funny or nice enough to have the friends that I have, not smart enough to have earned the degrees that I found in my garbage pail, and not pretty enough to have scored the stud-muffin cool guy who has been living with me for 9 years.  But more than anything, this complex certainly does a great job at showing up when it comes to running.

Runners always fascinated me.  I didn’t know any growing up, but I had an image of what it was to be a real runner.  Real runners had perfectly fit bodies, they were full of energy and yet quiet and peaceful, they were in tune with their bodies and the environment, they were gentle and kind, they were determined and hard workers.  I was nothing like a runner, but I wanted to be.